"What 's this worth? What the hell are you doing?" I asked myself as I let out
a moan of what I could only translate as defeat. I generally don't make a peep when I run. I don't hear my voice for hours. Think what you want in silence but when your thoughts are assigned a voice it's a whole different game. The psychological warfare gets ugly. So as I looked at
the final hill on my route I resigned to having my head examined. After all I was soaked, freezing and numb from pain. I'd been running through snow, ice and -22 windchill for over three hours. It also doesn't help when drivers give you the universal "CRAZY!" sign. If I skipped the hill I could make a left and be soaking in my tub within 12 minutes versus 40 minutes if I stayed the course. And then I paused and grudgingly asked
"Am I defeated?! Am I giving up?!" I didn't hold my head up. I didn't look mother nature in the eye. I
didn't get my second wind. I just put my head down and ran that bloody hill and the rest of the route. When I got home, on the verge of breaking down, I heard my voice say out loud -
"I wasn't defeated, I didn't give up...."
In that moment I had myself fooled by the weather, my exhaustion and my innate battle. It was the first few weeks of marathon training. Physically I wasn't where I wanted to be. I
fooled myself into thinking that I should give up. I got in my own way and bought into my own bull#$*!. Somehow that moment skewed my judgement and everything I could accomplish. Yes, doubt and fear are always lurking and the danger of giving them a voice is that they infiltrate your thoughts, your attitude and your outlook. If you don't give them the power you will never be powerless.
So are you focused on your goal? Are you facing your challenge? Are you winning your battle? It doesn't matter how big or small. Perhaps it's a change in eating habits, a new workout plan or your first time joining a gym. Perhaps its not even fitness related but rather your work or your relationships. Whatever it is I think many of us have experienced moments where we are fooled into believing we should just give up. But when we give up we have nowhere else to go. Stay the course, you will always have somewhere to be and the road will always be open, no matter the weather. And if someone gives you the "crazy" sign just smile and move on. You will never be defeated.
Enjoy yourself in good health and fitness/gena.